Codependency

What Exactly is Codependency?

Codependency is a relational pattern where one person becomes overly dependent on another to fulfill their emotional and self-worth needs. It’s like a dance where one partner continuously leans on the other, fearing they might fall if left to stand alone. While it’s natural to seek support from loved ones, codependency magnifies this reliance to an extreme level. Those who exhibit codependent behaviors often put the needs of others before their own, sacrificing their well-being, and always seeking validation from external sources.

According to Jonathan Becker, an associate professor of clinical psychiatry at Vanderbilt University,

“Codependency is typically discussed in the context of substance use, where one person is abusing the substance, and he or she depends on the other person to supply money, food, or shelter. But Codependency is much broader than that. Codependency can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they cannot function independently anymore. Your mood, happiness, and identity are defined by the other person. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive and cannot make decisions for themselves and a more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.”

Codependency is a behavior that often originates in childhood. It can be nurtured in environments where emotions were not openly discussed, households with inconsistent care, or those impacted by addiction or chronic illnesses. Over time, individuals may suffer from low self-worth, an intense need for approval, or even a paralyzing fear of abandonment. Codependency can manifest in various relationships, from friendships to familial ties and even in professional environments. The recurring theme is an ongoing imbalance in which the codependent person perpetually seeks validation and support. Meanwhile, their counterpart might either lean heavily on this dynamic or exploit it, perpetuating a cycle that’s difficult to interrupt. Recognizable signs include difficulty establishing personal boundaries, an inclination to remain in harmful situations, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility for the feelings and actions of others. Recognizing and understanding codependency is a critical first step toward fostering healthier, more balanced relationships, and it’s something we can help with in our treatment for codependency.

Signs of Codependency

Recognizing codependency behaviors is crucial for fostering healthier relationships and personal well-being. Here are expanded and refined indicators that may suggest codependent tendencies:

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward fostering healthier relationship dynamics and reclaiming personal autonomy in codependency recovery. Seeking support from trusted individuals or professional counselors can be instrumental in addressing codependency and promoting healthier relationship patterns.

Examples of Codependent Relationships

Examples of codependency in relationships can manifest in diverse interpersonal dynamics, extending beyond traditional roles. Here are some common scenarios where codependency can be observed:

Codependency Can Be the Result of Good Intentions

In 2006, a survey by Lisa Romano was created on Google to try to understand how people feel about themselves. The results featured answers from 1,000 people with over 200 countries represented.

Her survey found:

• 94% of respondents feel invisible and unheard.
• 85% secretly feel like they are unworthy of peace, love, happiness, and abundance.
• 82% secretly worry more about others’ needs than their own.

People with Codependency often have good intentions. However, their “rescue” attempts often end up harming the person they seek to help, as it enables their destructive behavior. This is why seeking professional help is essential for those in codependent relationships.